Sunday, 17 December 2006
Thursday, 14 December 2006
Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 94%
You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such clearly desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!
Oh woe, woe, woe is me. I expected 100%!
Take the test and see if you do better :O)
Wednesday, 13 December 2006
I wood like a cool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who nags him constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Miami , where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. Hey, you wanted to know.
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
That whiney begging shite may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Monday, 11 December 2006
Sunday, 10 December 2006
Friday, 8 December 2006
My eBay expertise grows apace. I have two Georgian doll's houses, altho I only wanted one I couldn't resist putting a bid on two. Imagine my joy at finding I'd got both. I also possess - and am doomed to keep - an obviously much loved toy farm, with buildings and animals so battered that they look as if they belong on a distant and poverty stricken tornado devastated Welsh hillside.
I'm getting good at this!
My husband meanwhile is bidding thousands for vintage guitars. And he's found the password to my Paypal account. I have a horrid feeling that joining eBay could turn out to be a disastrous move.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens . . .
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
Sunday, 26 November 2006
Saturday, 25 November 2006
Monday, 20 November 2006
At last, at long long last, after years of wearing my nails down to the quick typing answers to personality test after personality test in hopes of getting some decent feedback I've found the one, the ONE test that's got me to a tee!
Here it is: Tickle: Tests, Matchmaking and Social Networking and below is my result.
The devisers of this test are geniuses!
Altho I have to admit to a sneaky suspicion that taking personality tests is a bit of a giveaway that I'm a bit short on the err....ummm.... personality front. Even so, lookee here!! :O))))
Jane, you're a Chosen One!
You're warm, giving, knowing, and patient. Chances are you're not afraid to actively pursue your goals and dreams. As if all that weren't enough, you pretty much set the standard for emotional health by being filled with positive feelings and energy.
You'd be a great person in an emergency and you always return phone calls. You're no fair-weather friend.
And that's just scratching the surface!
Oh yes, geniuses!
Mind, the 'patient' bit isn't guaranteed :O)
In the very early hours of Sunday morning I got out of bed, pulled a jumper and my dressing gown on top of my nightie, put long socks and slippers on, donned my husband's big gardening jacket and his beanie, grabbed a cup of coffee and ventured out into the night. I took my dog in the car through the silent lanes and climbed through brambles that wrenched at my nightie to the highest point in our local country park where I sat all alone and frost frozen on a bench and gazed upwards for the next 90 minutes.
No-one saw me, which was a relief, but I saw 5, yes 5 falling stars. Y'know, that's the best pre-dawn thrill I've had in donkey's years <gg>
Friday, 17 November 2006
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
The farmer scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor.....
"D'ye tink it might be de loight dat's attractin' 'em?"
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded "You must be in Management."
"I am" replied the balloonist "but how did you know?"
"Well" said the woman "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now, somehow, it's my fault"
Sunday, 12 November 2006
" We are all hoping that Churchill keeps to his promise and gets us relieved sometime this year. I notice that both his and Chamberlain's son keep getting home after a few weeks out in the Middle East.. I wonder what Lady Astor thinks of the Reservists who she said were 'basking in the Red Sea' now!
Well I am now one of Haw Haw's 'Desert Rats'. The name he gave us has stuck and we all wear a cloth rat on our shoulders. The prisoners whom we take back are all very envious of all who wear it. They must think we are the ones who ate all the malt, especially when we drink their wine and eat the tinned food we have captured from them. Poor blighters, they are mostly a pitiful sight and resemble the English tramp who is in a bad way for want of food and clothing.
We are now getting all the kit we want, tanks, guns, trucks and everything that we need thanks to the gallant women of England. They are doing a man's job as well as any man and we intend to use it all in a way that shows our gratitude to our beloved country's women heroes.
I hope Fred is getting plenty of leave and that he's able to stay in England for a long time yet. There are no laurels out here. He's better to stay with the ones he loves so much, as I wish I could."
10th Armoured Division, Monday March 8th, 1942. Family Archive.
Friday, 10 November 2006
Monday, 6 November 2006
at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my ass???"
She looks into his eyes and says, "No, I'm your son's maths teacher."
Wednesday, 1 November 2006
Tuesday, 31 October 2006
Ads from the Lonely Hearts column of the London Review of Books:
'They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46).'
'List your ten favourite albums... I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35.'
'Employed in publishing? Me too. Stay the hell away. Man on the inside seeks woman on the outside who likes milling around hospitals guessing the illnesses of out-patients. 30-35. Leeds.'
'I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.'
'My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.'
'Your buying me dinner doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.'
'Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.'
'Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond.'
'Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.'
'Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.'
'Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks... damn it, I have to pee again.'
'Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.'
'Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.'
'Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.'
Myself I think the woman sounds the best of the lot, but which would you go for? :O))
Wednesday, 25 October 2006
What a miserable wet and dark day it is, and cold too. The poor ponies in my paddock stand gloomy under the oak tree and from time to time take a slow canter to the fence in hopes of their daily apples, their hooves squelching as if they're running through thick custard. One little dapple grey who's been served more times this year than we've had sunny days is still 'bulling' so as she's a brood mare it looks as tho she'll be going off to the great catfood factory in the sky before spring.
To cheer myself up a little I've made a small batch of mincemeat ready for the X word - tho I refuse to say it before mid November at the earliest. I trundled off to Oswestry in the downpour to get the ingredients but forgot to buy some brandy. Once the weighing in began, my husband asked, foolish foolish man, if he could help - something he never asks when spuds have to be peeled or cabbage shredded. This time of asking came opportunely for me to say yes, of course, please add ¼ pint of brandy. We don't have any, said the innocent. Oh we do, sez I, see just there? WOT, my calvados??? Is it or isn't it brandy?
I bet he won't ask tomorrow when the Xword cakes are made, but the rest of his calvados will be going in just the same <evil grin>
Come Xword time, he'll tell all and sundry that 'we' made the mincemat and cakes and he'll sniff appreciatively and entirely forget that once he'd poured the hooch he sulked off upstairs to play something written by an extinct southern American black guy entitled 'Ah wish mah wuman would leave me and leave ma hooch alone' blues.
Monday, 23 October 2006
My week in Rome was wonderful. The hotel was smashing, central and within walking distance to everything in the City and the weather was great.
The only thing which marred our stay was a metro crash which killed one and injured 250 - and it happened 15 minutes before we intended to use it.
I think we saw all of the major sites and we really enjoyed walking the city streets and byways. We also took an evening tour of Rome by night and while trying to set up my camera for night time shots I discovered on getting home that I'd also taken 4 short videos! I had no idea that my digicam could take audio-video.
Here's a pic of a typical Rome roofscape, full of domes:
Another of the Forum and Colosseum:
And finally a view of the Trevi Fountain - and yes I did throw 3 coins in to make sure that one day I'll return
Sunday, 22 October 2006
Friday, 13 October 2006
Thursday, 12 October 2006
When Constance's mummy was 4 I said that I was in two minds as to whether I'd allow her to be 5, because she was lovely just as she was. I got several weeks of exemplary behaviour by putting her on a warning that any mischief and she'd have to stay at 4 for another year. So shoot me <g>
She's just told me she wished she'd remembered that scam in time to do the same thing to Connie. After doing the Conga around the cul de sac with a horde of screaming 4 & 5 year old 'princesses' in tow, I think her dad is going to ban any further birthdays. He got off light - my vote was for the Tweetie Pie costume and the bright yellow tights
Sunday, 8 October 2006
What, out of all the unselfish things human beings do during their lifetime brings the most fulfilment? What from their life’s labours long outlasts them? What work can an individual do to bring most benefit to their country
I’ll tell you the answer; it’s your children, my children, the country’s children.
No children means no families. No children means no future for the country. No children means no cultural transmission.
Children are not only members of society in their own right as full British citizens; they are also the society which will continue after we’re gone, and the replicators of all future society.
Why then do so many appear to want mothers, who literally give life to the country, to do it all without any practical acknowledgement or recognition of the challenges that producing and raising future citizens involves?
People complain about maternity leave, child benefits, mothers who continue to work in paid employment and mothers who don’t, parents who smack and those who spare the rod, parents who shower their children with material goods and those who don’t have the wherewithal to do the same. People complain about the presence of children in supermarkets, on public transport, in restaurants, in shops, in pubs, on the street and in the workplace. Mothers get condemned for driving children to school and for working reduced hours to fit in with school times. They get criticised for restricting children’s freedom to play and for allowing play in public places. Parents are condemned for assisting their children with schoolwork and for not helping them with literacy and numeracy, for pushing them to achieve and for neglecting them by not having high expectations.
Is it any cause for surprise that fewer and fewer Western women are prepared to put their own lives on hold – and also suffer a negative effect to their future employment opportunities and pension entitlement – when at every turn they are criticised and denigrated for it?
Do we not all want our society, our culture to continue? Do we not want to influence the way that children experience life with us?
Should we expect, when we tell parents to raise their children without any assistance, that we can also tell them precisely how they must do it?
Feed your children, house them, clothe them, educate them, discipline them, entertain them, develop them how we say you must, but don’t ask for any recognition of the problems that might present and definitely don’t expect any help.
British birth rates currently are insufficient to replace the people already here. More than 3 in 10 couples choose not to have children at all, and those who do are having less than two. The future of our culture is diminishing as fast as the number of potential pension, NHS, defence funding taxpayers.
Friday, 6 October 2006
Thursday, 5 October 2006
A happy thing from my day which I forgot to list was wrapping birthday presents for Constance who's 5 on Saturday, and her Mum, who's birthday is on Sunday. Less fabuloso is being roped in to do games at Connie's 'Fairy Princess' themed party but at least I'll be doing it with Felix on my hip while his Mum's busy wiping up the dropped jelly, bless his adorable little cotton sox.
This is him at 14 weeks. I know it's too mumsy for words, but I knitted this little jumper myself, good eh? <gg>
Wednesday, 4 October 2006
He replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the bloke a piece of paper and a pen and asked him to draw what the piece looked like. He drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. The mechanic then took him over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" He pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Click here to learn the identity of the mysterious 710: http://www.mademelaugh.com/gfx/710.jpg
Monday, 25 September 2006
I read on the Politics bard that some aol members were offered broadband for £9.99 per month and as I currently pay £17.99 I thought I'd pursue this with Billing.
I phoned on 0870 3202020, chose the option to talk about pricing/technical and just hung on for 10 minutes to speak to a human being (interestingly for the first time ever I heard Paul Brady being played as muzac - if you've never heard his band then make sure you do soon).
I asked about the £9.99 offer and was told it didn't apply to me, but only to some lucky people chosen by computer. That's outrageous, sez I, I won't put up with this unfair treatment, put me through to cancellations.
Cancellations - by name of gorgeous Laura O'Neill - said she quite understood my anger at the unfairness of it all and she could either cancel my account if that's what I wanted, or alternatively she would put me on the £9.99 per month immediately. I got the official email within 5 minutes. I thus easily saved myself almost £100 pa. Try it yourself if you're paying more than £9.99, but do it quickly because this 'offer' is time limited.
I'm off shopping now :O)
Sunday, 24 September 2006
From Time magazine:
The Bush Administration prefers to paint the War on Terror in stark terms of good and evil, but the reality is that not all terror suspects are considered equal. That much was clear on the same day that the nation solemnly recalled the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, when a federal magistrate recommended freeing a man being held on immigration charges who is also awaiting retrial in Venezuela for the bombing of a Cuban airliner 30 years ago that resulted in the death of all aboard, including the Cuban national fencing team.Why is the Bush administration so unconcerned about terrorists like Posada? The answer is simple and obvious. As Time points out, "Posada, a self-styled freedom fighter, has been involved in anti-Castro activities for decades."
If you are an anti-Castro terrorist, according to the US government, then you are a good terrorist. I am sure that the families of the victims of that bombing of an airliner will be happy to know that the US government sees things that way.
Friday, 22 September 2006
The husband always has the final say on all matters.
The husband is in a position of honor above the wife.
The husband’s behavior is the model for the wife’s behavior. In other words, husbands are required to “go first” or do what is good, beneficial, and necessary first.
When the Bible says that the wife should submit to the husband,it means:
The wife should do everything the husband says.
The wife should repress her life’s goals if they are different from the husband’s goals.
The wife should stand by her husband even if he says or does something wrong.
Thursday, 21 September 2006
Think of the last time you saw a photo of a 5 year old in her swimming coggie. She probably had sand on her legs and was more interested in finding seashells than in posing for the camera, right?
Now imagine your 5 year old posing, looking coyly over her shoulder at the camera, arm in that 'guess what I'm hiding' position, and a tattoo right in the small of her little back, just above her bottom, a bit like a bull's eye. Nice image huh?
Well Cindy Crawford thinks so. Know what I think? Prostituting your 5 year old daughter is the pits, and it's also pandering to paedophilia. Poor child, to be the daughter of such a media slut.
Have a looksee and make your own mind up: http://i9.tinypic.com/48p1anl.jpg
From time to time I feel impelled to diet, either when my clothes get a bit on the tight side or when one of our ultra skinny-fit daughters comes to stay and spends hours running up and down the local hills and then talks about missing her cross-trainer when she's away from home. The only other thing that makes me want to be thinner more than it makes me want to eat more chocolate is when I see an unflattering photo of myself - usually standing next to one of said daughters.
Imagine my joy then at seeing this: Slimming photos with HP digital cameras - HP Digital Photography Center
On the other hand and having given it slightly more than 10 seconds thought of course, the actuality is that I think Hewlett Packard will have to go and lick a dead bear's bum before I buy any of their products again. Sizist bastards.
Sunday, 17 September 2006
Saturday, 16 September 2006
Can I just say, in public, that cervical smears hurt, that having IUDs inserted or removed hurts, that mammograms performed by evil harridans hurt and that all male medics lie through their teeth and women shouldn't collude with their lies!
I was a bloody well woman before I went to the Clinic!
My other happy news is that I have a stinker of a cold.
Oh, and my washing machine has died a grisly death.
Further, if I see another tomato I shall stomp it.
What's more, I want to know why my daughter thinks it's a better idea for me to cut up extremely decent Egyptian cotton sheets to make Felix some cot sheets than for her to 'traipse down to the shops' in her new people-carrier and just buy some.
Shoot me now.
Wednesday, 13 September 2006
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all for coming and forming a terrorism-victim shield around me. September 11th. September 11th. Towers down. Box-cutters. Action time!
They're still out there. But we're safe because of all the things I've done. But not safe. It's a real chin-scratcher. But we are bringing everybody to justice without actually doing anything remotely justice-related, and many times to a bunch of people who had nothing to do with anything. That shows you how serious we are.
So serious that we set up secret prisons and some not-secret prisons with lots of secret things, things so juicy that those notorious gossips in the Red Cross couldn't even get to them. Those guys are always saying "He should have water" or "Maybe you shouldn't suspend him by his shoulders for 48 hours at a time" and blah blah blah.
Some of the detainees said bad things. Maybe it was after we held them for four years without charges and for no reason, maybe it was before. Who knows? Now the double-super-secret detainees: they really are terrorists. So bad that we can't even charge them with anything because the charges would eat right through the paper and onto the floor and through the floor towards the center of the Earth like the blood of a Queen Bitch alien.
I'm going to tell you know how bad these guys are through the example of one guy, but me tell you all these details it isn't divulging anything important, because it became unimportant and non-securitally compromising the moment I decided to utter it, and midterm electoral success trumps security. The illegal ends justify the means. Really, our hands were tied, and by ours I mean theirs and very uncomfortably. Honestly, you'd all be dead if we hadn't had done this in exactly this way, and I don't want to hear any back-sass from any of you.
Which is why we're entirely changing the perfectly legal, maximally effective thing we were doing. The non-torture torture was absolutely essential to producing the dividends paid by the program. If we didn't non-torture torture, and instead just non-tortured, God only knows how many smoking craters would be dotting our great landscape.
By the way, that shit down in Cuba: also totally legal, despite what every person who doesn't get paid by the White House. And those rotten Supreme Court justices. So we'll try again, and see if we can't stick an infected finger in those robed tyrants' eyes, aye what, mate?
So here's the long and short of it: they get lawyers (boo!).. I know, I know... they're presumed innocent (laughter), and they get food and medical care (shrill hissing). But don't worry, we know they're guilty and a hand-picked tribunal hearing limited evidence and denying basic fairness protocols will know that as well. Maybe. Because frankly I don't care what happens after I'm in office.
Now that everyone finally disagrees with our methods, it's time to pass this vitally important legislation so that the world can now that a slim majority of partisan legislators right before a midterm election also agree with us.
September 11th. Think of your grandchildren, whether they exist or not.
Tuesday, 12 September 2006
Monday, 11 September 2006
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognise the answer?
Saturday, 9 September 2006
Wednesday, 6 September 2006
By Brian MacQuarrie, Globe Staff | August 30, 2006
Maine National Guard members in Iraq and Afghanistan are never far from the thoughts of their loved ones.But now, thanks to a popular family-support program, they're even closer.
Welcome to the ``Flat Daddy" and ``Flat Mommy" phenomenon, in which life-size cutouts of deployed service members are given by the Maine National Guard to spouses, children, and relatives back home.
The Flat Daddies ride in cars, sit at the dinner table, visit the dentist, and even are brought to confession, according to their significant others on the home front.
``I prop him up in a chair, or sometimes put him on the couch and cover him up with a blanket," said Kay Judkins of Caribou, whose husband, Jim, is a minesweeper mechanic in Afghanistan. ``The cat will curl up on the blanket, and it looks kind of weird. I've tricked several people by that. They think he's home again."
At the request of relatives, about 200 Flat Daddy and Flat Mommy photos have been enlarged and printed at the state National Guard headquarters in Augusta. The families cut out the photos, which show the Guard members from the waist up, and glue them to a $2 piece of foam board.
Sergeant First Class Barbara Claudel, the state family-support director who began the program, said the response from Guard families has been giddily enthusiastic.
``If there's something we can do to make it a little easier on the families, then that's our job and our responsibility. It brings them a little bit closer and might help them somewhere down the line," Claudel said yesterday.
``You know, this is my motto: `Deployment isn't a big thing, it's a million little things.' These families go through a lot."
Do you sometimes wonder if you belong to the same species as some Americans?
Mind you, there have been times in my family life when a cardboard Daddy might have been slightly more use than the real one was. :O)
On March 13th 2002 he said of Bin Laden “I just don't spend that much time on him. …[W]e haven't heard much from him. And I wouldn't necessarily say he's at the center of any command structure. And, again, I don't know where he is. I — I'll repeat what I said. I truly am not that concerned about him.”
Riiiight...... So in four and a half years, bin Laden has gone from being someone on whom the president should not waste his time thinking about to as grave a threat as Lenin and Hitler. Interesting.
You know, a sentient person might conclude that either:
A) Bin Laden’s potency and influence have significantly increased over the last few years, meaning Bush’s war on terror is an abject failure;
B) Bush was full of shit and/or incompetent on March 13, 2002;
C) Bush is full of shit and/or incompetent today, September 5, 2006; or
D) All of the above.
I’m going with D.
You stumble upon a lamp in the Blackpool sands and out pops a genie who's willing to grant you one wish. The catch is he's only able to grant one wish, that wish is removing a single person from the House of Commons. No death involved or anything; they're just relocated to a cashier's job at Asda... and a scorching case of genital herpes.
Who would you nominate?