Sunday, 17 December 2006

Haringay, land of unequal opportunity

In the London borough of Haringay 300 children aged 7 - 16 have been especially picked out from all other children in Haringay schools to be feted at a special Awards ceremony to reward their above average achievements in SATs and GCSEs.  The celebration will be attended by the pupils, their parents, some of their teachers and members of Haringay Council who will present these children with an Award of Academic Excellence.
Sounds really good, doesn't it?  So why, one might wonder, are some people really upset? 
It's because there are many other children who have achieved the same as these selected ones, other teachers who have worked as hard, other parents who are as proud of their child's results.  But they've not been invited.  Their efforts and achievement are not being recognised. They aren't being rewarded.
Why would this be? What could possibly justify picking out only some children, some teachers, some parents this way?  Who would want to tell some 7 year olds that they're better than other 7 year olds?  Why are some childrens'  5+ A-C GCSE results so much more praiseworthy than those of other 16 year olds?
Because Haringey want to challenge stereotypes, that's why.  And what better way to do it than to divide children from their classmates on one basis and one basis only.  And it's nothing to do with achievement, not even anything to do with cultural deprivation, or social exclusion, or homelessness, or poverty.  Nope.  It's all about skin pigmentation. 
This is an Award for Black Academic Excellence.
Some children who already knew that they'd achieved better than the national average have now had it made plain as the little noses on their faces that actually, them being black and all, they've done so much better than anyone could have expected.  That's bound to motivate them,  Not.
And their white classmates in Haringay have learned that in some tests, no matter how hard you try, if you aint black then you can get pushed to the back.

Thursday, 14 December 2006

Dancin the night away

There's nothing more likely to win a lady's admiration than a man who really knows how to dance.  If you want to smooch your way into Numero Uno mistletoe spot this Christmas then here's how to show off those sophisticated smooth moves.
Get practising chaps  :O)

It's a fix, I'm sure I scored 100%!


Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 94%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such clearly desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Oh woe, woe, woe is me.  I expected 100%!

Take the test and see if you do better  :O)

Wednesday, 13 December 2006

Now that's MY sort of Santa! :O)

Dear Santa,
I wood like a cool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer

yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!



Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?



Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my  mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a  hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who nags him constantly? It's time to give up that  dream.
Let me get you some nice Lego instead.



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Miami , where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. Hey, you wanted to know.



Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.



Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?



That whiney begging shite may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky." That's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.  Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad justlike the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,

Monday, 11 December 2006

Soz but it made me laugh

A man went to a zoo but all it had was a dog.




It was a Shitzu.   

Sunday, 10 December 2006

How very satisfactory :O)

A cosy afternoon spent on the sofa next to the Christmas tree watching a classic John Wayne western, drinking coffee with rum in it, eating a Belgian chocolate or three followed by a couple of mandarin oranges while tonight's Victoria plum crumble gently cooks in the oven and wafts a delicious fragrance through the air.  Then, joy of joys, ski Sunday. 
Other than hibernating, what better way to spend a chilly, wet and very windy Sunday!
What did you do?

Friday, 8 December 2006

Oh boy eBay

My eBay expertise grows apace.  I have two Georgian doll's houses, altho I only wanted one I couldn't resist putting a bid on two. Imagine my joy at finding I'd got both.  I also possess - and am doomed to keep - an obviously much loved toy farm, with buildings and animals so battered that they look as if they belong on a distant and poverty stricken tornado devastated Welsh hillside.

I'm getting good at this!

My husband meanwhile is bidding thousands for vintage guitars.  And he's found the password to my Paypal account.  I have a horrid feeling that joining eBay could turn out to be a disastrous move.

Lilac time

I think I'm getting old.  My airing cupboard looks like a Benneton shop.  My glassware is all in the same cupboard and lined up by size.  I now have 2 pairs of slippers - some for bathtime and some for trekking out to the dustbin.  Most of my pockets contain a roll of extra strong mints.  My bedside drawer contains a tube of moisturizer for feet and a tube of KY I bought the same year that Wham split up.  Today someone told me that I'm very nice looking for my age.
The time may be very near for me to volunteer for the Church Flowers Rota.
Tomorrow I go out to buy something purple.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens . . .

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.