Tuesday, 27 February 2007

Cause for celebration!

It was my birthday on Saturday and although I've made numerous references over the past few months to something I really really want - or perhaps because he doesn't want to spend that much - my husband professed himself unable to think of a suitable gift for me.  He did once suggest that for my birthday he might get a quote for having my mother's bureau restored, but as he got a blank stare in reply that notion died a death. 
As it was, we went out for the day to Machynlleth which is one of my favourite routes and we visited a couple of art galleries (but bought nothing) and then went out to a super restaurant in the evening.  It was a smashing day, and best of all, when my hub apologised for having bought me no present I suggested that no problemo and perhaps it would make more sense if the next time I saw something I really liked he could buy it and that would be my birthday present.  He thought that was a good plan.  He thinks he's going to get off light with some trifling thing.
We're going to Chester very very soon.  Boodle & Dunthorpe's here I come!   :O)))

Tuesday, 13 February 2007

The wonderful Jack Handey

As someone with a passing interest in philosophy I often search and read online.  I recently came across one of the 21st century's most insightful yet unlauded thinkers, Jack Handey.  I post some of his thoughts here for your edification:

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.

Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.

If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife?
Trust me, it's not.

Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over there, looking through your stuff.

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground.
Now that's a documentary.

If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought we won!"

Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly Head." Normally you would think that "fly Head" would mean a person who has beautiful swept-back features, as if flying through the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm afraid some people might actually think that.

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! 
Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. "Uh-oh," he thought.
"This watering hole is reserved for skeletons."

Sunday, 11 February 2007

Lucky day

I've had three unique experiences today.  Firstly my husband at long last agreed that I could buy a canoe and that he would get a roofrack to transport it, secondly I tried my new Christmas roller blades and didn't break my neck, and last but best of all, a long eared owl spent an hour in the big magnolia outside my window calling for its Valentine.  Excellent!

Saturday, 3 February 2007


I love cruising; lazing on the sundeck or in the pool while the boat sails through wonderful scenery to the next fascinating port of call. 

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It's great to see a constantly changing panorama and a number of different famed places and not having to pack and unpack each time makes for a lovely holiday with just the right combo of idleness and virtuous trailing around antiquity.

I've seen temples with massive pillar'd halls until they're coming out of my ears - 156 pillars in the main court alone at Karnak and all unbelieveably high
 carved reliefs and tomb paintings;
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 humungous statues;
and deep deep tombs including Tut Ankh Amun's (note the cognoscenti'd spelling <g>),
and flora and birds enough for anyone -I even saw the fabled ibis and golden hoopoe.
The Valley of the Kings was awe inspiring, especially at dawn.  Goodness knows tho how those poor workmen must have suffered in the intense heat reflected off the rock:
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I've travelled by river liner, felucca, horse and camel - and my backside feels the last two as I sit here almost a week later.  The ordinary Eyptian people we met along our way were invariably friendly and helpful.
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A Nile cruise really is a super holiday, so if you have the chance then go, just don't go in the summer when the temperatures at 40+ are insupportable for desert traipsing and I suspect the Valley of the Kings might need another tomb!