Tuesday, 31 October 2006
Ads from the Lonely Hearts column of the London Review of Books:
'They call me naughty Lola. Run-of-the-mill beardy physicist (M, 46).'
'List your ten favourite albums... I just want to know if there's anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35.'
'Employed in publishing? Me too. Stay the hell away. Man on the inside seeks woman on the outside who likes milling around hospitals guessing the illnesses of out-patients. 30-35. Leeds.'
'I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.'
'My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.'
'Your buying me dinner doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.'
'Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.'
'Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond.'
'Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.'
'Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.'
'Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks... damn it, I have to pee again.'
'Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.'
'Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.'
'Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.'
Myself I think the woman sounds the best of the lot, but which would you go for? :O))
Wednesday, 25 October 2006
What a miserable wet and dark day it is, and cold too. The poor ponies in my paddock stand gloomy under the oak tree and from time to time take a slow canter to the fence in hopes of their daily apples, their hooves squelching as if they're running through thick custard. One little dapple grey who's been served more times this year than we've had sunny days is still 'bulling' so as she's a brood mare it looks as tho she'll be going off to the great catfood factory in the sky before spring.
To cheer myself up a little I've made a small batch of mincemeat ready for the X word - tho I refuse to say it before mid November at the earliest. I trundled off to Oswestry in the downpour to get the ingredients but forgot to buy some brandy. Once the weighing in began, my husband asked, foolish foolish man, if he could help - something he never asks when spuds have to be peeled or cabbage shredded. This time of asking came opportunely for me to say yes, of course, please add ¼ pint of brandy. We don't have any, said the innocent. Oh we do, sez I, see just there? WOT, my calvados??? Is it or isn't it brandy?
I bet he won't ask tomorrow when the Xword cakes are made, but the rest of his calvados will be going in just the same <evil grin>
Come Xword time, he'll tell all and sundry that 'we' made the mincemat and cakes and he'll sniff appreciatively and entirely forget that once he'd poured the hooch he sulked off upstairs to play something written by an extinct southern American black guy entitled 'Ah wish mah wuman would leave me and leave ma hooch alone' blues.
Monday, 23 October 2006
My week in Rome was wonderful. The hotel was smashing, central and within walking distance to everything in the City and the weather was great.
The only thing which marred our stay was a metro crash which killed one and injured 250 - and it happened 15 minutes before we intended to use it.
I think we saw all of the major sites and we really enjoyed walking the city streets and byways. We also took an evening tour of Rome by night and while trying to set up my camera for night time shots I discovered on getting home that I'd also taken 4 short videos! I had no idea that my digicam could take audio-video.
Here's a pic of a typical Rome roofscape, full of domes:
Another of the Forum and Colosseum:
And finally a view of the Trevi Fountain - and yes I did throw 3 coins in to make sure that one day I'll return
Sunday, 22 October 2006
Friday, 13 October 2006
Thursday, 12 October 2006
When Constance's mummy was 4 I said that I was in two minds as to whether I'd allow her to be 5, because she was lovely just as she was. I got several weeks of exemplary behaviour by putting her on a warning that any mischief and she'd have to stay at 4 for another year. So shoot me <g>
She's just told me she wished she'd remembered that scam in time to do the same thing to Connie. After doing the Conga around the cul de sac with a horde of screaming 4 & 5 year old 'princesses' in tow, I think her dad is going to ban any further birthdays. He got off light - my vote was for the Tweetie Pie costume and the bright yellow tights
Sunday, 8 October 2006
What, out of all the unselfish things human beings do during their lifetime brings the most fulfilment? What from their life’s labours long outlasts them? What work can an individual do to bring most benefit to their country
I’ll tell you the answer; it’s your children, my children, the country’s children.
No children means no families. No children means no future for the country. No children means no cultural transmission.
Children are not only members of society in their own right as full British citizens; they are also the society which will continue after we’re gone, and the replicators of all future society.
Why then do so many appear to want mothers, who literally give life to the country, to do it all without any practical acknowledgement or recognition of the challenges that producing and raising future citizens involves?
People complain about maternity leave, child benefits, mothers who continue to work in paid employment and mothers who don’t, parents who smack and those who spare the rod, parents who shower their children with material goods and those who don’t have the wherewithal to do the same. People complain about the presence of children in supermarkets, on public transport, in restaurants, in shops, in pubs, on the street and in the workplace. Mothers get condemned for driving children to school and for working reduced hours to fit in with school times. They get criticised for restricting children’s freedom to play and for allowing play in public places. Parents are condemned for assisting their children with schoolwork and for not helping them with literacy and numeracy, for pushing them to achieve and for neglecting them by not having high expectations.
Is it any cause for surprise that fewer and fewer Western women are prepared to put their own lives on hold – and also suffer a negative effect to their future employment opportunities and pension entitlement – when at every turn they are criticised and denigrated for it?
Do we not all want our society, our culture to continue? Do we not want to influence the way that children experience life with us?
Should we expect, when we tell parents to raise their children without any assistance, that we can also tell them precisely how they must do it?
Feed your children, house them, clothe them, educate them, discipline them, entertain them, develop them how we say you must, but don’t ask for any recognition of the problems that might present and definitely don’t expect any help.
British birth rates currently are insufficient to replace the people already here. More than 3 in 10 couples choose not to have children at all, and those who do are having less than two. The future of our culture is diminishing as fast as the number of potential pension, NHS, defence funding taxpayers.
Friday, 6 October 2006
Thursday, 5 October 2006
A happy thing from my day which I forgot to list was wrapping birthday presents for Constance who's 5 on Saturday, and her Mum, who's birthday is on Sunday. Less fabuloso is being roped in to do games at Connie's 'Fairy Princess' themed party but at least I'll be doing it with Felix on my hip while his Mum's busy wiping up the dropped jelly, bless his adorable little cotton sox.
This is him at 14 weeks. I know it's too mumsy for words, but I knitted this little jumper myself, good eh? <gg>
Wednesday, 4 October 2006
He replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the bloke a piece of paper and a pen and asked him to draw what the piece looked like. He drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. The mechanic then took him over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" He pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Click here to learn the identity of the mysterious 710: http://www.mademelaugh.com/gfx/710.jpg