I've been stepmother to 2 of our girls for 27 years. Several years ago the elder one was involved with a sort of personal development 'commercial cult' type programme during which she had to reconsider her relationships with her family. This lead to a very large number of rather odd telephone calls to her father and to me over several months where her reason for calling was to say that she loved both of us and that we meant the world to her. It really was a series of I Just Called To Say I Love You phone calls. <g> Prior to that of course we'd assumed that she loved us but there you go, now we'd been told. Repeatedly.
Now, it's only a little thing I know but for every single one of those 27 years I've bought and sent her birthday cards and gifts. In all those years I've never received even one card in return, not birthdays, anniversaries, get well cards, nothing, zilch, nada.
Today is her birthday again and I txted her first thing to wish her a very happy day and it struck me to wonder why I keep on doing it when she doesn't even acknowledge receiving the cards and gifts let alone reciprocate.
How do people learn how they hurt others if no-one tells them?
Should I say something - and if so what? - or just keep shtum (and cut her out of my will <g>) ?
Finally, am I a dreadful self-centred woman to even think this way?
2 comments:
I get the same treatment from my grandchildren (whose mother is divorced from my son) and keep on sending cards, money, gifts et al. I just regard it as throwing my money, love, whatever down a big hole. I think Rogerson is right, just feel on the moral high ground. Yours in fellow sympathy Pamwas.
Jane my brother has been married for 24 years to his wife...She is an absolute cow IMO...My mum buys everyone presents at birthday and christmas and if in hospital she'll send a card or visit...My brothers wife (refuse to call her sis in law) gives mum a present at christmas our of sufferance IMO...Put it this way mum was found to have angina 4 years ago...The last 2 christmases she's lamost had a full blown heart attack because she got someone NICE and that didn't cost a couple of quid from them...Mum lives 2 miles away from them...She's been allowed into their house they built 6 years ago TWICE...My brother sees her when he is delivering shopping to her...He has a shop and he delivers shopping to lots of OAPs in mums village...His wife has visited mum ONCE since mum moved to the house she is in now 11 years ago...BUT everytime mum has been in hospital over the last 4 years my brother and his wife have been to see her in hospital...Now most of the time mum has been in the hospital through here which is like 70 miles away...It was mums birthday last weekend, she didn't get a card or even a call to say happy birthday...Mum has decided well it's not what they do that matters to her it's what mum does to them...So she carries on and treats them and their offspring the same as she does me, my 2 sisters and out offspring...But at same time she does sometimes get upset about it...And it's not self-centred to feel like you do at all...I told my 3 that they didn't have to give their step mum a present but they had to giver her a birthday card...And at least acknowledge her...Of course now their father and his wife live in the states he's lucky to get a card LOL...It's respecting that she is who she is regardless...
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